Pain and Suffering...

I have most of the times used the above words interchangeably...but I think they are different words with different meanings...Pain is more of a cause and Suffering an mental and psychological effect of it. When I put it that way, then there appears there is a chance to eliminate suffering, right? Let me see...

That is the whole idea of this article...explore thought processes which cause sufferings and try and eliminate those.
I fell down and broke my feet; I failed in my exams; My wife beat me today; I missed my lottery by a single digit...all these can be pains...how our mind perceives these pains and processes will confirm whether I am in suffering or no.

Let us take each example separately and examine; if I broke my feet, there is physical pain associated with it, there is some other issues like, you possibly were in the middle of nowhere, had to find help and get to a nearby medical facility, needed to organize money for repair, blah, blah! All these are actually the add-ons to the actual pain...that is where crisis management comes into scene. Look, falling down was not in your control and the physical pain associated with is not...if we first come to an understanding that this pain will be there, cant help, we need to do what needs to be done 'unemotionally' and in a non self sympathizing mode...then all those things like getting to the hospital and home will happen smoothly...the pain doesn't go away, but it does not become a mental suffering! There are people who can look at breaking the leg as a positive thing, you can simply lay down and watch tv! how many times we get such opportunity...

Failed in an exam again could be your own not studying and writing properly or that dumb professor couldn't understand your handwriting...whatever it is, you cannot do anything about that 'now'...as an add on, there are these problems...you loose your year of growth, your friends go ahead, you have to study the same and write again, etc...well again taking an unsentimental approach...whatever bad had to happen happened...what needs to be done is make up the mind and prepare for the exams, you have lot of time with you, because you are not going to college or work, so here is an opportunity...if best used can turn out to be a gold mine! Look all of us who kept passing the exams, how much of a difference did a year make or for that matter...most of these folks who went to school, college, work, get married, children, one after the other...think that they are in a rat race and never got an opportunity to do anything differently! Here is the opportunity given to somebody who failed. By thinking like this instead of suffering it became a moment of victory!

Similarly..wife beating; guys nothing can be done with this...just lie down and wait for the pain to subside and go and ask sorry because you possibly did something very wrong (which you are not even aware) and things will be normal in a few days! Look we possibly avoided 'n' number of World Wars! This is indeed a positive thing!

So, Boy...it is all in the mind to how to perceive pain and not make it into a suffering!

Now there are another interesting set of sufferings, for which the pain is unfounded!

Today My Boss scolded me in front of everybody else; When my friend came from abroad, he brought a gift for all others but nothing for me!; Me and my son were very close and we got him married and after that he is a very different person, doesn't talk to me all that well!;

In all these the pain and suffering are both created by the mind! Again in all these, the reason for our state is because of somebodyelse's behaviour, which we absolutely don't have any control!

Let us take multiple steps back...who is the most important person in this world? Is it parents? Is it a friend? Is it your child? Is it your life partner?...Who is the most important person to you in this world?

I would say all the above mentioned relationships are very important, but the most important relationship is 'SELF', 'I' This is not a selfish statement, this is the truth! From the beginning to the end if anybody is with you, that is you yourself! and you have to be very compassionate to that person. What do we do with a most important thing in our life, we take care of it with love, we don't want it to get hurt, we don't want it to suffer! That's how we should take care of us.

So leave alone what anybody else does and says to you...because it is their life...you have to only ensure that you will remain happy and undisturbed.

Boss shouted at me...look if there was anything wrong you did, if yes...then that is a valid punishment; you can fix that and go back to your boss, you are better than all the other colleagues who didn't get an opportunity to go from negative to positive, you all know graph measures more when it travels from -1 to + 1 when compared to 0 to +1.

Same with gift...there are n reasons why your friend didn't bring a gift...he could be simply having some grudge against you...then he is not a friend in the first place...or he forgot, even then you cannot do much, but if you truly believe he is your friend you need to forgive and forget!

Since time immemorial, this parents, son, marriage pain and suffering is going on...I think the last time all of them smile and laugh is for that marriage photograph...after that it is all 'no-pain' but suffering!
This is my point of view - parents take care of children all life, they actually start making lot of adjustments in their lives from the time the child comes into their lives...no doubt all these adjustments are done with lot of love and satisfaction. But if you look at it, in a man and woman's life the peak age - 25 to 40 has been spent primarily facilitating the child! They have not seen too many movies, because of home work...not theirs, their children's!! And a lot more such sacrifices. So like the western community...however towards the age of 16-17 the children start the 'hate parents movement'...so let them go and lead their life and we/ you parents resume our/your life! So with this view...if you think 'son got married and doesn't care'...fuck the son for a change...who cares! This is such a self empowering statement...I am not suggesting stop caring for relationships, I am only saying care for yourself more, more than anything else!
Even our mythology says, God resides in all of us; for that firstly we should identify God is within us and we have to take care of him with utmost care and love...each time you suffer, God also suffers!